He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
