I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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