I wish I could teleport
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
