Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
