please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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