I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
