I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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