Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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