Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just found puke in my bra..
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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