We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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