Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
