We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
