Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
whose parrot is this?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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