Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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