I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
