i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
