great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just found puke in my bra..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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