She announced her abortion via fbk
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
