Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.

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(208): View more from Idaho

My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with

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(518): View more from New York

You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.

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(916): View more from California

I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.

(1-918): View more from Oklahoma

Condoms?

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(330): View more from Ohio

You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...

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