I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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