just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
