cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
where are you?
Hypothermia
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
