oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
