Life is so much better after having sex.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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