You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
