If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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