Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
