you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
