he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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