Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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