i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
