i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
