you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
