She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
