hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
