I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
