My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize