I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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