Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize