Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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