Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
