so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
