i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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