things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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