I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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