The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
