No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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