it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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