hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
