I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
