You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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