Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
COCAINE IS GR8
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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