Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
