It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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