I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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