He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
