i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
