I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
