butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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