What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
