you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
