So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
