So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
