one two three fourrrrnication!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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