Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
