fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
