I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize