she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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