I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
