You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
