WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
